"Sometimes the cost of winning is so great that we lose more than we gain."
King Pyrrhus of Epirus was a Greek King who wanted nothing more than to conquer Rome. He fought many battles and won. When a friend congratulated him on his win, Pyrrhus responded, "One more such victory and we are undone." He never did conquer Rome.
In our personal and professional relationships, we encounter disagreements. Sometimes we use these disagreements to dump our negative feelings on others. They experience our negativity as an attack and they, in turn, are forced to suppress their defensiveness, express it, or escape the situation. And many times, these encounters result in the deterioration or destruction of relationships.
As I grow older and encounter conflict with others, I am learning to evaluate my responses. I take a step back and evaluate whether the issue is worth debating. In these situations, choosing our words carefully is so important mainly because our words and attitude will undoubtedly impact the relationship. There are times when the feeling of winning an argument or proving a point is so strong that I can feel its pulse within. It's in that moment that I must stop and ask myself, "Why do I want to win so badly?"
Over this weekend we have watched international conflicts grow and erupt into military aggression. We have also watched bravery and heroism at its best. And whatever our judgement or feelings, we should always look within. John Maxwell tells of the "Pain Principle": hurting people naturally tend to hurt others and are easily hurt by them.
Wisdom helps us count the cost before engaging in conflict, and humility gives us the strength to take the high road and know our limits. At the end of the day, you may win the battle, but a Pyrrhic victory can truly end in a loss.
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